He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The Olympian is in my bed
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