it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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