fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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