I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
