I love black thongs
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We just shotgunned beers for America
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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