id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
