Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
