Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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