How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
