In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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