when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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