Got a toothbrush?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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