im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
