Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My liver just had a heart attack.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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