I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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