I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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