he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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