Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
