doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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