why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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