One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize