you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
