That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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