theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
