he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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