If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
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Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
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I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.