I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.