Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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