Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
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you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
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She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.