their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.