Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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