Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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