i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
