Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
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I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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