this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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