Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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