the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
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If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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