I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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