I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
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