I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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