I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
