mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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