After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
