I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
