I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
