yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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