Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
