yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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