This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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