It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
