So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
