You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
