oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
These tits shall not be calmed
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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