you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
