apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
