I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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