I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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