seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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