just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
