that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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