There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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