It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
