well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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