3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
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The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
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Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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