Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
