Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
