Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
and you fell through a lawn chair
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
