This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
